Six Years Ago Today

I was pregnant and due to have Benjamin on April 4th, Mark's birthday. My day went as usual, I got up that morning, left for my drive to work very early. I would leave home around 6:30 am to make it to work at 7:00 am CST because I worked on EST at the state line in Valley. I had a dr. appointment scheduled for that afternoon at 4:00 pm. My dr., Kraig Smith, wasn't available so I had to see Kenny Harris that day. I guess I should change directions here and explain how I had everything planned out in my mind on how this pregnancy and delivery would go. I had planned to have an un-medicated, natural delivery. I had a huge fear of the epidural and didn't want to go there. So, I knew I had enough pain tolerance to pass several kidney stones and thought I would just press on through the pain of childbirth and deliver naturally. For the previous 3 weekly appointments with Dr. Smith, he had said that the baby was head down, however, nothing was happening. So, fastforward back to the appointment on Monday, April 1, 2002. I went in to see Dr. Harris, had the exam and he very calmly said, this baby is not head down - this baby is breech. I immediately told him that he must be wrong, Dr. Smith had said something completely different for 3 weeks!!! He could tell I was upset, this was NOT what I had planned. So, still in his calm voice, he suggested that we go have an ultrasound to make sure and so that I could see for myself. Well, sure enough, B's head was pushing on my ribs and not where it should have been at 40 weeks gestation! So, we head to his office. At this point, in my 40 week hormonal state, I am just sobbing. I explain to him that it just can't happen, that he needs to turn. So, he proceeds to tell me just how difficult that is, not to mention in someone who is only 5'4" with very little room to move the baby around in. So, once he begins to list the risks of turning the baby: 1. Baby can die, 2. You can die or 3. you can both die - I immediately changed my mind and a c-section sounded like a wonderful idea. So, I get in the car to call Mark. I can't speak I am crying so hard. I finally get it out that the baby is fine, it is just me that is a mess. So, we could choose what day to have B. It was either on the 3rd with Dr. Smith or on the 4th with Dr. Harris. We chose the 3rd b/c it would be with my dr. and also so that they would have separate birthdays. Dr. Harris called that night to check on me and to confirm when I wanted to deliver. So, after we had made calls to friends and family, we went to Hamilton's for dinner. What a day that was. I knew when our first child would arrive - at least the day. And I learned a very important lesson that I have had to remember as a mom: I am not always in control of how things go. I felt so out of control and that all of my plans had been completely blown out of the water, and they really had. I can't believe it has been 6 years since that day. In two days we will celebrate Benjamin's 6th birthday with his class at school. Then on Saturday we have invited "just the boys" over for a camping party to celebrate! There are days that I am amazed I am even a mom, but that he is already 6 years old really amazes me!