Daily Word Count

I really wish I could count the number of words in a day that either B or E speak. Really more so her right now. Sometimes, I don't think she is taking a breath between words at all!! I love to hear her little voice. It is amazing what questions she asks and statements she makes.

She & I went on an adventure this evening of running errands and Mark and B went to buy tennis shoes for B and get a haircut. When we all returned home, Mark and I both commented on how much they had both talked today.

"The Red Tape of Day to Day life"

This is a quote from a dear friend, Mrs. B. I spoke briefly with her on the phone this morning. It was an interesting phrase that I thought I would just post here to think on. There are so many things in each individual day that keep me from getting to the very next task or making to the end of another. That is what I will now call the "red tape of day to day life"

There was another comment by her that I hope she will use as her next blog entry.

Party Preparations and other sundries...

Well, B's 6th birthday party is one week from tomorrow. I always get really excited about parties for the kids. I love a party and hope that they always will too. We are having a camp out themed party and have invited 17 boys. We will play games, hear stories and cook over the fire pits. I think it will be a lot of fun, hoping it will be. I mailed out the invitations this past week. It occurred to me on Wednesday morning that I didn't even include his name on the invite anywhere, nor did I note what the party was for. So, I had to send out an email to correct my error. Most replies have been laughter at my insanity from time to time.

Not much to tell of other than party preparations, really. Let's see...oh, B got his jersey and hat for his t-ball team this evening. His team is the Padres. He was very proud to walk in the kitchen to show it off when he & Mark got home. Mrs. Holly was here, so I know he was excited to show it off to her as well.

Kids Clothes Connection (consignement sale that I participate in) has the drop off in the morning at 9 am. I haven't tagged my items that I want to sell...I am slacking! I usually have this done prior to the night before the drop off. I usually work at the sale, but this time around I am not going to. I may work again in the fall.

We will have friends over from Mark's office on Sunday evening for a shrimp boil dinner. It should be a fun time.

Well, that is all with us, I think. Not much else going on. Hope all of my blog readers are doing well.

"Where's your mom?"

This is a question that B asked at about the same age that E is now. She has asked so many times lately. I knew I would have to tell my children about her dying, but never really thought how young they would be when they realized that she isn't here. Mark's mom has been a big part of their lives and I think it is seeing her - Mark's mom - and not having anyone to attach to me as a mom. It has been 15 years and 3 months since she died. The pain isn't nearly as sharp as it was 15 years ago. But, when they ask about her it does hurt. Tonight as the kids were going to sleep, E asked (for the 100th time ha ha) where she is. "Where is your mom? Did she die?" And so I say yes. B filled in some of the blanks for her tonight. Without me saying more than "yes" to answer her question. He told her that my mom was really sick, the medicine stopped working, mamma was 19 and could take care of herself, on and and on he gave her details. I have always answered his questions and never thought he remembered every detail. I don't remember telling him that I was 19, but I have obviously told him. After this, he asked me to tell them stories of fun times I had with her. That is when it hurts...to think back on the time I had with her. As I told him about cutting grass with her and then jumping in the swimming pool to cool off, he said "I really wish we could have seen her and have met her". He has no idea how much I would love for them to have met her and even more for her to have met them. She was such a fun person, always laughing - most of the time. She would have been an incredible grandmother! To her, and to them....

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

I found this organization tonight as I searched photography sites online. I spend entirely too much time looking at photography websites online. Anyway, this organization that has members who will take bereavement photographs of infants & children. It is interesting to hear it now that I am typing it and it sounds strange. However, I have just looked at some beautiful photographs on this site. I can't imagine standing in the shoes of a parent who is going through this, but my heart aches for them. I can't understand the amount of pain they go through and am thankful that my heart has never felt this enormous amount of personal pain. I have had several friends to miscarry and one to have her baby die at a few days old, but never to feel this on a personal level. Reading the personal comments on this webpage made me realize what a blessing this is for these families who choose to use this service. So, I thought I would just mention this on my blog. My heart is heavy for parents all over who go through this. I don't suggest reading all of the comments or looking at all of the photos...my heart is heavy from looking... www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org

Come on Spring

E was very 'spring-like' today, so I snapped a shot of her this morning. We are all ready for spring. My sinus' were the first to notice spring's arrival and now my eyes see the evidence. Tulip trees, bradford pears, bride's wreath, on and on the buds are opening up to the many colors of spring.

Recycling

Just a random thought for today. We started recycling several months ago. I am amazed at the lack of trash we now have. We only have to take our trash can to the curb every two weeks now. The other "trash" is kept in separate containers in the garage to be taken to the recycling center in town. The city will pick it up, some of it at least, if we would register as curb recyclers. We need to do this. Anyway, if you want to cut back on your amount of trash in the dump, just recycle! I never thought I would promote recycling. I thought it would take too much thought, time, energy. It really doesn't. B loves to go with me when I take it to the bins.

The book I want to write

I have always wanted to write a book about my life. I don't see it as an enjoyable, sit in the hammock on a sunny afternoon kind of book. I don't expect a crowd to run out and buy it off of the shelves. This would be therapy for me, and maybe someone else who had a similar life. Maybe not free, like this blog, but therapy none the less. I have said many times before that I have dealt with life by the free therapy I have received from friends along this winding road. If not for my friends -in elementary, middle, high school, college and now in my adult life - who have listened to my story, I would be in a different place than I am today.

I have written this book over and over many times in my head, but I have never put pen to paper or fingers to the keyboard to begin the story. Maybe out of fear - not wanting to go to some of these places again and maybe from wisdom gained by living it out. Not sure...of the answer as to why it hasn't nor to whether it ever will be. I also know that when the ink is on the paper or the toner has dried on the print out, family members will read in disbelief. Not only the ones who didn't know our lives were this way, but also the ones who knew and denied that it ever happened. I am sure that most of my family (especially on my father's side) prefer the skeletons stay in the closet. However, I have always liked clean laundry. The kind of clean laundry that has been dried on the line in the summer time. Aired out with the fresh scent of a crisp new day.

This idea popped back into my head after having lunch with a friend last week. H and I enjoyed a long lunch together. Somehow our conversation moved to my childhood and how things were then. As I described several events to her, it made me think of this book. The real reason I want to write this book is that I think there is a child somewhere or an adult who lived the life I did that might realize they aren't alone. Others have the same disfuntion that they do in life. I think my childhood was like so many others in the 70's and 80's, but at the same time different and cheated in some ways.

Now that I have mentioned this here on my blog maybe I will begin to post about different occurances in my childhood, then again, maybe not. To ease the minds of my current blog readers, I wan't harmed physically in any way ...there are just so many little stories that make up the puzzle pieces that would need to be put together to tell the entire story. Since I need to get up early and go to the gym, I need to close. I need to find the hour of sleep I lost on Saturday night sometime this week!

Wayward Governor

Mark would appreciate it if men who are not going to be faithful to their wives would not be people who show up on the news. He had to answer questions and defend all men last night. I kept questioning over and over why in the world men like the governor of New York behave as they do. His answer is that prostitution is the oldest profession. That didn't settle well with me! So, since it is the oldest profession we continue to support it only out of selfish desires and that makes it OK???? I told him that the only reason it is and ever was a profession is because men are willing to pay for the services. Seriously...I am so sad for this man's family, especially his wife and three teenage daughters. I can't imagine the pain they are feeling from this. Not only do they suffer privately, but we all get to see their pain in the media. So sad for them...

I can't believe I have posted a blog about this.....

Back to the Gym

I intended to post about this yesterday. I woke up early yesterday and was at the gym before 5:30 am. This time works best for me, yet I got out of this routine and haven't been since February 5th!!!!! That is too long. It is like I am starting over completely with the gym thing. I didn't go this morning, but my bag is packed and is in the car. I plan to go after work today. Ruth??!! Where are you??? I need you to keep me in line with this! Remind me and ask me if I have been to the gym. Weren't we planning a 5K at some point? That seems like such a distant memory to me now! I need to bring that back to the front of my mind!!!

T-ball

B starts t-ball this week. His first practice is this Thursday. He is beyond excited about this. Yesterday and this morning he asked "When is Thursday?" He can't wait to get there and see what this is all about. He has so many questions about it. This will be fun. Mark and I are going to put the bag chairs in the van and have a chair for E. We are about to become a sports family. Should be fun...

Hair close up and wicked eyes

Mark took this picture last weekend so I could email my SIL to show her. This is not a good pic, but at least the high lights are visible in this picture. And of course my wicked eyes showing at the bottom. You can see them but not really all of my hair, so maybe if I get a better shot of the full view I will post another one. I really can't believe I am posting this picture. You can see the hair follicles on my head it is such a close up picture. Oh and the wrinkles on my face. Oh dear...I will regret this. Then again, it will get me to post more blog entries so that this isn't the first thing I see when I log into my blog....

Hair #2

I had high lights added to my hair last Friday, but they aren't too noticable. That is why I didn't take another picture. I am going back today to get more and hopefully they can be seen by those who have no idea I have had them done.

The Little Things

that I am thankful for today:

-B not arguing over what clothing he will wear to school
-B brushing his hair & teeth without complaining
-E waking up in a good mood (but not at 4:45 am like today)
-E's excitement over wearing her swimsuit to school today (under her clothes) to have an indoor beach and pool party ~ really her excitement about life in general
-getting to work early instead of late
-parking in a lot next to my building instead of 3 blocks away
-time to kiss by husband during a busy morning
-beautiful blue skies
-a flexible job that allows me to be a mom and work too

I know there are more, these are the things that have come to mind this morning. It is a good day.