The book I want to write

I have always wanted to write a book about my life. I don't see it as an enjoyable, sit in the hammock on a sunny afternoon kind of book. I don't expect a crowd to run out and buy it off of the shelves. This would be therapy for me, and maybe someone else who had a similar life. Maybe not free, like this blog, but therapy none the less. I have said many times before that I have dealt with life by the free therapy I have received from friends along this winding road. If not for my friends -in elementary, middle, high school, college and now in my adult life - who have listened to my story, I would be in a different place than I am today.

I have written this book over and over many times in my head, but I have never put pen to paper or fingers to the keyboard to begin the story. Maybe out of fear - not wanting to go to some of these places again and maybe from wisdom gained by living it out. Not sure...of the answer as to why it hasn't nor to whether it ever will be. I also know that when the ink is on the paper or the toner has dried on the print out, family members will read in disbelief. Not only the ones who didn't know our lives were this way, but also the ones who knew and denied that it ever happened. I am sure that most of my family (especially on my father's side) prefer the skeletons stay in the closet. However, I have always liked clean laundry. The kind of clean laundry that has been dried on the line in the summer time. Aired out with the fresh scent of a crisp new day.

This idea popped back into my head after having lunch with a friend last week. H and I enjoyed a long lunch together. Somehow our conversation moved to my childhood and how things were then. As I described several events to her, it made me think of this book. The real reason I want to write this book is that I think there is a child somewhere or an adult who lived the life I did that might realize they aren't alone. Others have the same disfuntion that they do in life. I think my childhood was like so many others in the 70's and 80's, but at the same time different and cheated in some ways.

Now that I have mentioned this here on my blog maybe I will begin to post about different occurances in my childhood, then again, maybe not. To ease the minds of my current blog readers, I wan't harmed physically in any way ...there are just so many little stories that make up the puzzle pieces that would need to be put together to tell the entire story. Since I need to get up early and go to the gym, I need to close. I need to find the hour of sleep I lost on Saturday night sometime this week!