I feel so terribly challenged right now with parenting. B is so much like me, it isn't even funny. While talking with a friend last night, she reminded me that he has to experience and learn for himself. I would love to show him/teach him the things that I did that I don't want him to repeat, but he will have to learn this on his own. He is so headstrong, knows everything (of course, only thinks that he does), extremely independent....
No matter what I say to him, his reply is snappy and questioning. Why in the world would I, his mother, stop him and ask him anything...how was your day?, what do you want for lunch? No matter what it is, it is a smart remark or crinkled forehead reply. Did I mentioned he is extremely independent.
At times, I think I have really high expectations for my children - enter my dad. Growing up, we really couldn't be kids a lot of the time. No screaming, yelling - not even outside. If there was loud laughter outside that he could hear inside, we were in trouble. His view of kids was to see them but not hear them - most of the time. I don't really think I am that hard on B & E, however, I do expect them to control themselves and know when to explode with fun and emotion and when to reel it in and calm down. It doesn't help that memories of my childhood creep up when I criticize my own parenting. This just adds fuel to my fire burning up the small amount of confidence that I do have in being a parent.
These two little people are our responsibility and that just overwhelms me at times. I can't imagine them not "turning out 'right'" - whatever that is, not having friends because they (B) are overbearing and bossy, hating me for making the follow rules - b/c we know we have rules and a "boss" for the rest of our lives...
I am rambling. But, this is my only way to throw words on a computer screen to paint the picture of what I feel right now. Mark asked me this morning what color my world was, black I replied. I have no idea what color it is, but frustrated is a word to describe it. I wonder what color best represents frustration?
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Parenting
Posted by Therapyforfreeforme at 8:21 AM
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3 comments:
Sounds like we are in the same boat! Please God, let it be because they are 6!!! It's so tricky. When I was a kid, I wasn't even allowed to say "But, Mom..." I was never given an opportunity to argue anything. As a result I think I may allow Peyt to negotiate her side a little too much.
Peyt's thing right now is to pretend as if I am not asking her anything. Do you want lunch? How was your day? Do you want a dress or a skirt? Would you like to play a game with me? And I get NOTHING. Not even an eye roll or a scrunched up nose. I have to take her head in my hands and force her to look at me. Some days I want to snap it off!!
My mom tells me that my prayer life is about to kick into high gear. I'm afraid my World Market wine bill is about to...
Oh dear....that is where we are - maybe it is a 6 year old thing. I am ready to go to the self help section of the library AND the wine/beer section of WM. I may head there (WM) tonight. Mark is out of town and it may get ugly around here. I have always given B too much room to negotiate. Let me know when ou find somthing that works to get their attention.
I'm sorry you're so frustrated... I can see this happening in my future! I will be praying for you as you try to discern what parenting action (or non-action) fits different situations. But please remember, that you are a wonderful mom, K. Really. You're just great. I bet your intuition is usually right!
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